Discovering Abstract

3rd June 2021

I've always been fascinated, intrigued and attracted to pieces of Abstract art, but for decades I felt a detachment from the process and application of my own expression of working abstractly. It was like there was a place I so wanted to go to - I could see it there in the distance, but the bridge to access it was impassable, but I didn’t know why.

I used to stand on this side of the bridge longing and dreaming of one day, maybe one magical day, I might perceive the bridge differently.

Well, that magical day did come in the form of a very gifted and generous teacher. I shall write a separately about what I learnt, because his teaching so deserves a dedicated post.

So, I am now on the other side of the proverbial bridge.

What is here that I found so appealing and yet so inaccessible for years? What I have found here is authenticity, intuition and faith. As circumstances in my life led me to see what was really true, it followed naturally that I would see the same truth in my art.

As a representational artist, I was always very good at painting accurately and realistically. As a young person, I was praised and admired for my art skills and in a world where there wasn't much praise being offered to people just being themselves, I unconsciously clung onto this identity as a means to get the approval I so desperately craved.

The result of this was that, even though I knew I had 'Artist' running through my veins, I never had a good relationship with that part of me. There was always resistance and pain within because I couldn't access the free-flowing and intuitive expression that I wanted so much. My art was not for me, it was a bench mark for other's approval or disapproval.

Working abstractly has opened a whole new world for me. I no longer seek or crave approval from anywhere outside of myself. I have learnt to listen to and trust my own resonance.

I no longer sit with photographs, regurgitating what I see on the screen into paint on canvas.

How I work now has opened the valves of intuition, of faith, of trust. My old way of working was literally mapped out - gridded up, knowing in advance which marks I was going to make and where I would make them, seeing the work complete in my mind before I even started the painting. Where was the fun, the surprises, the delights, the unexpected, the evolution, the direction?

I'm not knocking that process because I do enjoy the meditative and calm feeling that is induced, but it just doesn’t have the same aliveness and presence I find in my abstract process.

This was what I'd been wanting all along - to be engaged with my work. To be at one with my work. To be brave enough to persevere with each mark I make without knowing in advance where I'm going, and to believe that I will have the guidance to know what to do next.

And so, this is how my art is reflective of my life. I used to be so 'in control' of everything, and I thought that was how we were supposed to live - after all, as a society, we get 'gold stars' for controlling things and having everything in order.

I now know differently. I now know better. I now have faith that the path will reveal itself as I intuitively walk on.

I don't need to know all the steps, just the one that comes next.